Vanguard: A Miscellany

Secret

I’m a talker. I’m a sharer. I’m an open book.

This is all likely quite obvious to everyone. After all, I live my life relatively publicly; my career, my family, my friends, my activities, my love life (or lack thereof) are only keystrokes away. And if you know me personally, it’s even quicker and even more And sometimes, particularly with regard to my love life (or lack thereof), I regret it.

So with this one, I’m keeping things on the down low. I’m staying hush hush. I’ll keep him a secret. In fact he’ll be Secret.

I won’t go into detail about him, other than the fact that he arrived a little late, but not too late. He went to the gym before meeting me at my apartment. But we arrived at the Penthouse with ten minutes to spare. It’s at the Huntley Hotel, an elegant rooftop restaurant designed by Thomas Schoos. The food is top notch and the wine selection, fantastic. The valets opened the car door and asked us both, “Are you here for the Penthouse?” I’d forgotten the no tennis shoes rule, and as I was wearing Chuck Taylors and Secret was wearing Nikes, we drove off to find a second option.

We drove to Brentwood, to a great little restaurant I know of called Bandera, dark wook walls, dimly lit, live jazz, great ambience with a killer margarita, awesome seafood and the best artichoke appetizer in the city. The wait was an hour and fifteen minutes at 8:00.

“I have an idea,” Secret said. “It’s not fancy or anything, but go three blocks south and two blocks east.” The place was garishly lit, the fluorescent light reflecting back off of the white ceramic tile floor. One leg of the table was propped up on a folded piece of cardboard to keep the table from rocking back and forth as we ate from plastic dishes with plastic chopsticks, the table crowded with a paper napkin dispenser, various condiments in squeeze bottles, and a plastic glass that housed all manner of utensils including the chopsticks, Chinese soup spoons and forks.

And the place was loud, forcing us to lean into one another during dinner conversation.

It was perfect.

Other than that, it’s all a secret…for now.

Week in Review '08.19

It's a little scarce in here isn't it? I've felt the need for me time, that's all. No pressure. No sense of obligation. Unfortunately, the same can't really be said of the real world.

5/3 - I actually had to get up earlier than I normally would on a regular work day. And what for? Well, work of course. This past Saturday was our annual company-wide Kumbaya snooze-a-thon where we talk about how great we are and how we can be even better. I have an idea: respect the free time of the physicians in the company's employ by not having give up a four hours on a Saturday for a bunch of pointless bullshit.

The good thing about it was that I was forced to take a day away from Job #2, leaving me free to train with my trainer that afternoon and do a bit of shopping before getting ready for an evening with the straights. Actually, it was an interesting night with the straights for a number of reasons. First, Fishering's best friend and that friend's wife had called earlier in the week to see what was up for the weekend. I figured why not throw another straight couple into the mix. So it ended up being Razor Burn and Unicorn, Sunshine and his wife, the couple I first mentioned, and me and, oh wait, just me. We met for sushi at Fat Fish which has the most awesome blueberry pomegranate mojitos, and the firecracker roll is to die for.

We then headed up the street for the real purpose of the evening...the Abbey where we met up with Guido and the Spaniard. Yes the girls wanted me to take them to the Abbey, and in this case by "girls", I don't mean girlzzz, but girls, with vaginas and everything. I had a great time with all of them, particularly watching the guys stare at disbelief at the footage they played from the White Party. But here's the thing, that will likely be the last time (at least for a long time) that I'll go back. The Abbey is played out. Bo-ring.

5/4 - I had to peel myself out of bed early again. This time for a brunch with Fishering since his parents were in town. It was nice to see the old group together again (Mercury, Dutch, M@ as well as Fishering's straights from the night before) even though we didn't all get to talk because of the logistics of the seating arrangement. I tried my damnedest to stick with water. After all between Friday and Saturday night, enough was enough, right? Well it was until the carafe of mimosas came by. What's a Sunday brunch at Boulevard without a mimosa?

Right after, I met with a friend who introduced me to the most charming Puerto Rican/Portuguese/French/Chinese built like a brick shithouse and smart as all hell man I've met in a while. I think he's going to be the next man to break my heart.

I had to scurry off to go to the site of Job #2. I was doing a favor for a friend, and after grabbing dinner with him, just went home. The weekend really was far too busy.

5/5 - I got to work feeling like shit. Just so tired from the weekend that I'd completely forgotten it was Cinco de Mayo until Razor Burn and Unicorn swung by my office to take me out to lunch and we settled on a Mexican restaurant that was all decked out for the festivities. And when I got home, I celebrated more by just going to bed.

5/6 - Because I got volunteered to be a part of the company's Continuing Medical Education committee whose meetings fall on my half day, I was actually given Tuesday as my official half day off this week. I was ecstatic about being able to run a bunch of errands until the douchebag vendor who I'd met last Thursday needed me to go up to Job #2 to sign some forms for the product he was providing. It was sort of an emergency, he said. We could meet at 3:00, he said. So I went up to Job #2, got in a workout at Smooth's gym where I briefly saw him, then went to the jobsite to meet with the vendor. Asshole didn't show up until 4:00, and the paperwork was anything but an emergency. So that bastard wasted my half day! So not using his product if possible.

5/7 - Nothing...glorious nothing.

5/8 - So I saw patients from 8:30 to 10:30, then left for the committee meeting which started at noon and went on until 2:00. And then I got ANOTHER half day this week. Whoo hoo! Except that my trainer had to bail at the last minute, so instead, I got a massage. Mmmm I love massages. Then I went to meet the crew at O-Bar and proceeded to have the worst night there that I'd had in a long time. Nothing in particular except that the bartenders' service was exceptionally shitty that night.

5/9 - I was a wuss with my trainer. My leg cramped up so I couldn't finish my cardio. Then I just had a nice quiet Friday night alone. I think I'm beginning to rediscover the need for nights like this.
5

Week in Review '08.18

4/26 - I started out the day with a work out at Smooth's gym. He wasn't there. He was working offsite that Saturday, but just to be nice, I texted him a "hello". Texted. Yes, I somehow happened to have had his phone number still, despite the fact that I said that I'd deleted all contact information which I had but turns out you can retrieve phone numbers by scrolling up the text string on an iPhone which is not a good thing for spineless bitches like myself and also results in amazing run-on sentences.

This is how it went:

Worked out at ur gym this morning. Thought I'd say hi.

I'm in the West L.A. gym today

No I was just saying "hi" on text.

Thanks hello to u

Then I made the big mistake of doing this:

Do u have birthday plans?

Not solid yet

Would love 2 take u out 4 dinner. Let me know what works 4 u so I can make reservations. Doesn't have to b Friday [his actual birthday] if ur doing something else

OK i will let u know

OK not making any other comments except I wish I could go back in time, find his parents and give them a condom.

After that whole exercise in deflating one's ego, I went to job #2 before heading to my sister's where we had an early dinner in celebration of my dad's birthday which really isn't much of a celebration as much as the six of us planting our asses in front of the TV watching a basketball game with take out Chinese, pina coladas and carrying on three conversations simultaneously. It's what we do.

4/27 - This was my OCD day. I did spring cleaning, then went crazy at Bed, Bath and Beyond. New bath mat and towels. Cleaning supplies. And pillows, down pillows. Since when did pillows get to be so fucking expensive?

I finished everything by 5:30, just in time to meet Sunshine at the Cheesecake Factory where I proceeded to get a bit lit. Their pomegranate mojitos are awesome! We hung out til about 8:00 then went to his house where we screamed like little girls watching 30 Days of Night. Creepiest movie I've seen in a while.

4/28 - Not much. Work. Session with my trainer. Was on call.

4/29 - This was kind of a big day at Job #1. I came out. Well not about that although I think some have figured it out. I came out about moonlighting at Job #2. I told the lead physician at my site not because I wanted to, but I think Job #2 is gaining a lot of momentum and it would eventually come out. I think it'll be OK.

4/30 - This was the night of the Easton Gym AIDS/Lifecycle fundraiser at Eleven. It was an impressive event due in no small part to my friend Tiger. I took Unicorn as my date which may not have been such a good idea; somehow bringing a hot girl with big boobies doesn't scream "I'm available" to the gays.

In any case, the event was fun. Jon Lovitz started was first up: "So two Jews walk into a bar. They buy it." Loved him. Of course, Reichen was there as was Lance Bass. Mary Murphy actually came up to Unicorn and told her she loved her dress, unfortunately none of the hot So You Think You Can Dance Boys were in tow. For Unicorn, huge geeky fan of Beverly Hills, 90210, the highlight of the evening was meeting Tori Spelling.

Actually, Unicorn was pretty great. She helped me stalk the cute guy we both wanted; we called him brown sweater guy. She even introduced me to the uber hot bartender and facilitated a phone number exchange. I am so keeping her.

5/1 - It was another Job #1/#2 combo again. Smooth was actually at Job #2 availing himself of some of our services. Before leaving, he went into our offices saying hello briefly to Sunshine and Razor Burn, then talking to me privately: "We should hang out next week." I responded with a passive aggressive, "Yeah gimme a call" not expecting that he will or that I'll even go.

It never really dawned on me until then how awkward he is. Even Razor Burn, after Smooth left, commented unsolicitedly that his eyes seem somehow empty and dead. He's kind of Asperger's-y, high functioning, but still. Or maybe I'm sour graping.

I actually had no clients that day at Job #2. I was there because the boys were at it again. One of our vendors, a 38 year old half Irish, half Chinese well-dressed man had set off their collective gaydar and arranged a happy hour meeting in the hopes of hooking me up. How awesome are they? And how awesome was the vendor not? We all left there kind of slack-jawed at just how not awesome that guy was.

5/2 - I went to Blowfish for happy hour with Guido. Several helpings of sushi, a few tears shed, and four lychee martinis later, I was ready to go home. It wasn't in the cards. Dutch called to have me meet him and one of his co-workers out. I'd never been to Terroni before, but I really dug it. Very cool, unpretentious vibe, and the food was excellent. The maitre d' was all kinds of hot, and the waitstaff was very helpful and friendly. The sommelier helped pick some nice wines and told us about his background, where he had travelled to, what he planned to do in the future (very cute, but unfortunately straight).

Needless to say, I once again had more to drink that I should have, but it was a nice way to end the week.

Blanket Statement

Everyone warned me. Everyone. Friends, family, everyone. But I didn't listen.

"Don't do it," they said. And I understood the risks, I did. Although I wasn't asked for a financial investment, the proposition was risky. Friendships have been destroyed by lesser reasons, and these two were, at the time, among those I considered my closest. But I agreed.

I committed to a day and a half a week, lending what expertise I could. "It'll be fun," they said. "With the three of us, it'll be unstoppable," they said. And it was fun, at first. It was exciting. It was a change. And we were giddy with the idea that we'd be working with people we loved and turning a profit at the same time. Well, they'd turn a profit, anyway. Technically, I was a subcontractor, an independent company that they paid a fixed salary regardless of the primary company's profits or losses.

And it did well. So much so that it became easier. They no longer had to be present seven days a week. They took turns to ensure the other got at least two days a week off. And I was happy for them. And I was happier when the profit margin was larger and their take homes were larger.

I even decided to start accepting payment for my work which I didn't necessarily do during the first few months. I just held on to the checks. Even as my work load increased, as my role became more expansive, performing in ways that hadn't been initially included in my job description. In fact, early on we had discussed that my role would not include just those things that my role has grown into. It's not that I was complaining. I honestly didn't mind at all.

Besides, everyone had warned me.

Still, I got the call last Thursday: "Hey Vanny (yeah, they actually call me that), it's me. Hope you're well, bro. Um, been talking to Sunshine like non-stop aaaand we've been talking and I just feel really bad, dude. I feel like we've unintentionally, you know, been kinda taking advantage of you, bro. And I really feel bad about that because I haven't even fucking thought about it. Um, but you're going way above and beyond and have been, and I've had my head up my ass dude. And I feel really bad about that, so um gimme a call when you get a chance. I just wanna talk, um, just briefly dude. It's just I feel really bad right now. Whenever you get a chance....Alright, buddy. Thanks. Bye."

Everyone had warned me. "Don't go into business with friends," they said. In this case, I went with my gut. I trusted them completely to treat me as I would them. And in this case, I was right because not only did I get an apology that I didn't even feel was needed or owed, but on the following night, on our guys' night out, they unveiled what they had, the night before, met to talk about.

They decided that since they worked five day weeks, it was unfair for me to always work six day weeks even though four and a half of those were spent at Job #1. They wanted to make this venture fun for me. They didn't want me to burn out. And they told me I would only be scheduled for two Saturdays a month and two half day Thursdays a month. They also told me my role would go back to what was originally intended. And finally, because they felt I had built the company up as much as anyone else, they offered me part ownership of the company. Actually they gave me part ownership of the company.

So blanket statements are never 100% correct. In this case, I knew I was undertaking a project with people whom I could trust implicitly and vice versa. I also knew that these two were more than capable of functioning in the capacity required, as they did me. So, as it typical, I made my decision based on gut instinct and despite the protestations of everyone else, and it served me well.

Now I just need to learn that this never works for me when it comes to my dating life.

Charitable

I typically write about events after the fact. Protects what little is left of my anonymity, but this Wednesday is just too delish to keep to myself. Let's see Patrick Dempsey? Yes. Bette Midler? Check. Kathy Griffin? Hells to the yes. Jon Lovitz? Him too. Tori Spelling, Margaret Cho, Marcellas Reynolds, JP Calderon, Reichen Lehmkuhl? All of them.

Here's the deal, West Hollywood foo foo gym Easton Gym is doing a fundraiser for AIDS/Lifecycle. I'm going, and I'm bringing some friends (including some of my straights). Here's how.

Week In Review '08.17

4/19 - Marina del Rey. It was a lecture at the Ritz Carlton, presented by one of the leaders in the field who gained notoriety from appearances on Oprah. It was actually pretty good, techniques and suggestions that will most definitely help for Job #2.

The pisser was the call during the lunch break. It was Scruff. I'd called for confirmation on the plans we'd made for him to accompany me to Razor Burn's birthday party. After talking about it Thursday and Friday, it turned out he wouldn't be able to make it after all. Figures. I get bailed on by two different guys for the same date.

Whatever. The family (that's what Sunshine's wife calls us) met up for dinner at Tantra. Very yummy Indian food. Everyone else met a bit later for drinks at Tantra's lounge.

4/20 - Tried to go to the gym. Nope. Tried to go play volleyball. Nope. Tried to run. Nope. I was a lazy piece of shit. Up until about 5 pm, then got all OCD and did four loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen (including scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush and cleaning the fridge--seriously OCD)

4/21 - My trainer bailed on me. Fucking White Party--first Smooth then trainer. So I just met up with the straights for dinner at Lala's (then went home to again get my OCD on).

4/22 - After a record setting day with four patient breakdowns (is everyone depressed these days?), I just went home and curled up in front of the TV.

4/23 - It was Razor Burn's actual birthday, so Unicorn, R.B.'s roommate and I took him out for dinner at Sol y Luna.

4/24 - Worked both jobs again. Both were brutal this Thursday. I couldn't get out soon enough and head down to O-Bar to meet up with Dutch, Fishering, M@, Getty and Fanboy. Alcohol has never tasted so good.

4/25 - I finally got to work out with the trainer again. Much needed. Immediately left for guys' night out, tonight they decided to officially dub it guy's night out since Sunshine's wife was out of town and Razor Burn made a point of today leaving Unicorn to do her own thing. So we, along with Guido and Guy on Bull, met up at Ketchup. As far as this trend of restaurants offering comfort food with a kick, this place rocks. I don't eat red meat, but couldn't pass up the meatloaf. The Shake n Bake and Tuna Tartar was sooooo good too. Nana's apple pie was only ok, though. But besides the food, the eye candy in that place was spectacular! Something for the straights and the gay alike.

What was awesome about that night, however was that Sunshine and Razor Burn have once again proven themselves to be two of the most amazing people ever...more on that on a separate post.

After dinner, we met up with some stripper friends at Green Door. Yup turns out we now have stripper friends. Unfortunately for me, they're chicks. Oh well. But I really liked this club. Unlike the other clubs in Hollywood, it wasn't overly packed; I'm not sure if it was intentional or if the cover made it prohibitive in comparison to Club Ivar just up the street, but it was nice to be able to chat with people without having to scream at the top of your lungs.

I called it a night at midnight while everyone else went to Goa. Yes, Dutch and M@, I am almost 40. But work was only a few hours away.

But looking back on my week, I'm pretty sure I know why I don't yet have a house. Holy shit I fucking eat out a lot! Mental note: use my fucking kitchen once in a while.

Drama Queen

I've always tried to live my life drama free. Keep things simple. Try to be good to people. Don't stress over insignificant things. Don't try to date more than one person at a time. Simple.

Yesterday Smooth called. After not having been in contact for six days, after sort of bailing on something important to me in order to go to something not important to him, he called. "When'll you be up here again?" He had to ask because in the two months I've known him there have been exactly zero weeks that the days I've been up in his neck of the woods haven't been Thursday afternoon and Saturday. And it appears he only has time to hang out when it is geographically convenient for him.

Also, yesterday Scruff didn't call. After bailing on hanging out Friday because he was tired from driving back from Palm Springs, after also bailing on the same Saturday event that Smooth bailed on because of something unexpected, he didn't call. True, he sent me a text on Monday about maybe getting together "maybe sometime this week or next weeked". Still, he didn't call.

So on the drive home, I was kind of pissed that the first called and the second didn't when my phone rang. "Do you want to not have dinner?" It was Grey Shorts.

And as I hung up the phone, I realized that as I near my fortieth year (OK so it's over a year and a half away, but whatever), all of a sudden I've regressed and become a fucking drama queen.

Week In Review '08.16

4/12 - Last weekend was a hot one...perfect for a day at the beach, unfortunately some unfortunate bitches had to work. I was pretty tired by the end of the day, but I'd promised Guido I'd hang out with him. We haven't hung out in a while, and when we do, it's places like Vanguard or the Avalon or some other over the top, not at all mellow kind of venue. So I was surprised when he suggested dinner and renting a movie because he was tired too.

So along with his sort of girlfriend The Spaniard we went to The Penthouse for dinner which is stunningly beautiful, but with really shitty acoustics. They were both tried to get me to talk to this amazingly good looking guy with a buzz cut and the only one wearing a t-shirt. It was black. And it was a size too small. "He's definitely gay!" they said. Nope, just Russian we later found out.

Back to my place to watch Rob Zombie's Halloween. Sucked.

4/13 - Fishering and I have not hung out, just the two of us, since, well since never I think. We sought to remedy that with brunch at the Boulevard Lounge. We still have yet to hang out just the two of us since we ran into and ended up sharing a table with TLC and M@.

I was supposed to go to the beach, get some sun, play some volleyball. But as I got there, I realized there was nowhere to park. Everyone was at the beach. Fortunately I got an invite to hang out at Whore Bitch's pool, so I turned right back around and hung out there.

Sounds like a pretty full day, right? Not so much. I had to truck my ass all the way up to Job #2 to work on a special client. In the process, he (Scruff) and I talk, find out we have mutual friends, he asks me out to dinner, then we end up at his place.

The sweetest thing was the text I received when I got home thanking me for a really nice evening and wishes for peaceful dreams.

4/14 - Worked out with my trainer.

4/15 - Got fucked over at work, then had dinner and happy hour with Dr. Faux at the Cheesecake Factory so we could commiserate. I've been eating like shit!

4/16 - Worked out with the trainer again, then was on call.

4/17 - I broke down and called Smooth even though I told myself not to. No he couldn't do lunch, and no, it turned out that he was going to White Party, so he couldn't make it to Razor Burn's birthday party as my date on Saturday. He'd forgotten to tell me.

So I deleted all of his contact information. Ahhh so cathartic. Oh and then I invited Scruff to be my date.

As I arrived to Job #2, it turns out that I am now completely out without having really outed myself. Sort of. I told two girls several weeks ago, and it's finally made it's way around. How do I know? When I walked in, the receptionist came up to me excitedly, "Oh my God. I saw the new rep today. We all think he's cute and we all immediately thought "He's perfect for Van!'" As it also turns out, everyone took part in arranging for him to meet me for business purposes next Thursday. As the saying goes, when God closes one door, somewhere he opens a window to a bathhouse.

Ended the night with the O-Bar crew at, well, O-Bar of course.

4/18 - I paid off the last of my credit cards. After having had credit card debt as far back as undergrad, I am finally free. So I celebrated by upgrading my camera (and still with no credit card debt) and a nice little dinner and drinks at Whisper Lounge with Mercury.

Brand New Day

Remember those C & R Clothing commercials? At least I think it was C & R. Anyway, the commercial had these rough and rugged men doing whatever it is that rough and rugged men do--toiling away at blue collar jobs, unshaven and sweaty or what have you. In the background, the classic, sultry, sexy Dinah Washington version of What a Difference a Day Makes plays. And midway through the commercial the same rough and rugged men have transformed into runway model looking men, clean shaven and now sporting beautiful and impeccably tailored (really? from C & R?) suits. Loved the commercials.

In any case, that's the way I feel right now. What a difference a day makes!

I called Smooth as I left Job #1, sorry I know I'm running late. My last two patients showed up late, so I guess we can't do lunch. I guess I expected him to say it was no big deal. I was only thirty minutes late. I had seen him at work, and he seems to do a lot of walking around. I figured he could walk around later, right? Or maybe he would suggest that we grab dinner instead after we both finished. But no. He just said, "OK, we'll talk soon."

"By the way, did you find out if you were going to White Party?" I asked because I'd asked him to basically be my date for Razor Burn's birthday party on Saturday. When I asked him to go a week before, he said he wanted to go. "I'm sorta committed to go to this thing that some friends invited me to, but it turned out to be something else entirely, and I kind of don't really want to go." He had apparently been invited to a weekend in Palm Springs with some friends and only after the fact did he realize that they were all going for White Party.

Turns out, he's going to White Party. Turns out that he'd rather go to an event that he said he wasn't all that interested in going to rather than go to something that really is important to me. Yeah, I guess I'm being a bit of a drama queen, but I was rather nice about it. "No worries," I said. "Have fun out there this weekend, and I guess I'll talk to you soon."

He bid me a cheerful "OK, bye Van" and I deleted all his contact info and pictures from my phone before calling Scruff to invite him for Saturday. Yeah I have a new guy lined up cause I'm that kind of whore.

So that was brand new day event number one.

Even more significant however is...drumroll please...I have finally paid off the last of my credit cards today. For the first time since college, I am now free of all consumer debt, and now I can start saving for a house. Hallelujah!

Vacation '08, Pt. 3