Vanguard: A Miscellany

Pop

Sometimes people just pop into your head. No rhyme. No reason. Pop. Just like that.

The Latino did just that two days ago. I was thinking about work and all of a sudden, pop, my mind started to wonder whatever happened to him.

It was 2003, maybe 2004, when he first came into my life. He sat there, looking extremely young. Actually he was twenty-five, so he not only looked young, he in matter of fact, was young. And adorable. Holy crap was he adorable. Beautiful, olive-colored skin and a mop of soft, dark curls. Long eyelashes that framed almond-shaped eyes. And the lips! The lips. Apart from all that, the tight-fitting T-shirt did little to conceal the lean, muscular little body that hid beneath.

It didn't hide for long. He was in for a physical, and clearly he was somewhat attracted. I'm a doctor, so I know these things. Especially when the patient is naked. My suspicions were confirmed when, after his departure, my nurse ran to my office: "Dr. V. That patient. He was gay. He asked if you were single. So I told him you were married...to a really jealous Filipino woman. I made sure he wouldn't bother you anymore."

That stupid bitch.

Over the next two years, at my previous medical group, he would come in for routine stuff. He was healthy. And he was flirtatious despite never having disavowed him of the notion that I might actually be wed to a jealous Filipino woman.

Then one night, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around as The Latino said, "Hi Dr. V." I was a little taken aback by the "Dr. V" greeting. I wasn't at work, after all. I was at the Abbey. Yes, at the Abbey which is when he first came to know that we played for the same team.

We kept in touch, even after I changed employers. He seems to call after he's broken up with this boyfriend or that boyfriend, and he always asks, "And how's your dating life?" which strangely enough always seems to be followed by my saying, "Actually, I just met someone." We chat for a bit, and the conversation always ends with his saying, "Well call me when you're single."

I've taken him up on that offer twice, and both times, the tables were turned. Me, single. He, taken. The stars never seemed to align.

So yeah, he just out of the blue popped into my head the other day.

My phone rang a few hours later. It turns out that he's single. Turns out, so am I. :)

Twenty-three Years

I got an email last night.

He is perhaps my oldest friend. Looking back, I guess there were all sorts of clues that I was gay because I remember exactly when I first saw him. It was towards the end of our freshman year. We were standing in line for the principal's office, and I remember thinking how odd that in that entire year, I had never met this guy. Our class wasn't exactly huge, a little over two hundred I think. And I'd never even seen him before. I would have remembered.

He was one of those empirically good looking kids, tanned and blonde although the blonde was tinted just a bit green from chlorine. And what I noticed most, and was most envious of, even at that tender age was the chest that he had developed as a swimmer. Impressive. And he had the whole swimmer/surfer lingo/behavior pattern down. Everyone was "bro" or "dude".

I got to know him better during our sophomore year. We were in the same honors classes--English, History, Chemistry, Physics, Algebra II. It was a little odd how we went from not having known each other to being thrown into the same classes. I often went over to his house in Pacific Palisades on Saturdays working on homework while his mom made us potato pancakes and homemade apple sauce. We also both played water polo and got involved in the theater group, he as an actor and me as head of the construction crew.

We saw each other less and less frequently after graduation. He came up to Berkeley once or twice to visit. I went down to LMU about the same amount. I visited him once while he was at Georgetown med. But our visits had fallen off significantly.

It wasn't a bad thing. We called several times a year, and it would be as though no time had passed. We'd get back in our normal groove.

I went to his wedding and immediately bonded with his wife. I also went to his son's baptism, happy and honored to have been one of the few from high school invited. He responded with a hug when I finally told him I was gay a little over a year ago. And I promised to check in on his wife and son when he got shipped off to Iraq.

He's back now. And I still haven't seen him since his return in November. But that's the way it is with the friend I've had for twenty-three years. Actually that's the way it is with those I call true friends whether we've known each other three years or twenty-three years. It's seemingly effortless, seemingly because the effort is there in the same sense that people say "A job isn't a job, if you enjoy what you do." Checking in on people whom you care about is easy when you care about them.

"Dear Bro" he started out, as he always does, as he's always done for over twenty-three years.

Grey Day

Surprisingly, the morning has been relatively quiet.  The patients that have kept their appointments were stable.  Half of them no-showed.  My tasks have been pretty much completed, and my mail has been reviewed.  So here I am at my desk, looking out the window at the steel blue sky and the heavy grey clouds with Keane playing on my iPod.  A little morose.  But it's one of those days where you feel strangely happy for the weather.   

There is comfort in knowing that others are also having a grey day.

New Fave

If there is any question as to why I've become addicted to Make Me a Supermodel in only three short episodes, these two staight guys should be able to provide an answer.

Week In...Nevermind

Yeah, I don't think I'm doing these weekend recaps anymore. I've noticed that I don't post about stuff cause I know I'll just plop it onto the one end of week post, so they don't get fleshed out. They just sort of get listed. Boooring. OK, one last time:

1/19 - Started out at Guido's with Razor Burn for a couple of drinks. Then met up with Sunshine and wife at the Cahuenga Chan Darae for dinner before spending the night with a bunch of cracked out wastoids at the Avalon. Up till 3.

1/20 - Dragged my ass out of bed for a last minute brunch at Boulevard Lounge in celebration of Fishering's birthday. Afterwards, went shopping with Dutch who needed new duds for a new job. Then had another small celebration for said birthday celebrant before ending the early night with a Thai dinner with Mercury.

1/21 - I did jack shit for MLK day. An actual day off...well except for playing with MacTV.

1/22 - On call.

1/23 - Drove through the L.A. deluge to meet up for a happy hour dinner at Blowfish Sushi (of course) with Guido (of course) where we sat and planned out March trip to somewhere around the Bahamas. Also, the bartender overheard us talking techno. Turns out he's a DJ. At the Avalon, at Eleven and as an opening act for Felix da Housecat. Hot! Even hotter? He told us he'd get us on the list for the Felix show at the Mayan.

1/24 - After job number one AND job number two, Razor Burn, Sunshine and I went to happy hour. Oh how happy. You know what's even happier? Finishing that happy hour by 5:30, then bolting for happy hour number two at O-Bar and meeting friends.

1/25 - After work I went and worked out by myself. Then I watched some TV trying to psych myself up. Honestly I just couldn't muster or feign the interest. I just couldn't get exicted about the date. Wanna know why? His outgoing message was way too effeminite. I rolled out by 9:00, arriving at O-Bar at 9:30 where the most attractive lesbians I've ever seen were doing their thing.

Then he showed up...my date. Honestly it was quite a bit better than expected. He was nice, friendly, sweet. I just don't know if there's any chemistry.

The End

That's it, no more weeks' in review. I'm done now.

Make Me...Ronnie's Bitch

OK I know I say I love him. Oh, I love Grey Shorts. Or I love Cuddle Buddy. Or I love blah blah. But seriously I LOVE Make Me a Supermodel's out and proud Ronnie.

Tired

I'm tired a lot. It doesn't surprise me I guess. People say I do too much. So I guess that's why I'm tired a lot.

It's weird because I personally don't think I do too much. Actually I don't think I do enough. I mean I still have time to watch TV and fuck around, so it can't really be too much. I'm just used to my level of activity.

There are the two jobs. Six days a week. Sixty-six to seventy-five hours a week, depending if I'm on call. That's actually not as much as some people I know. And I work out...sort of obsessively. Then there are my friends. I have to make time to see them. Every once in a while there are special things--concerts or plays or shows or my favorite, travel.

So yeah, I guess I do a lot. But life is short and youth is fleeting.

A friend SMS'd me yesterday afternoon while I was seeing a patient: "OMG, Heath Ledger is dead!" He was 28. And even though there is some speculation about the reason for his death, you never know. That's the whole point. You never know.

And for me, I'd like to go, whenever that may be, knowing I left tired and busy, than refreshed and wishing I had done more.

Day In the Life

8:30 - Supposedly a 3 month follow up. Didn't show up. Can't say that I was too bummed.

8:30 - Yes, that's right. Two 8:30s. I was double booked. He had an allergic reaction to one of the medications that he was prescribed...one month ago. He said he needed to be seen immediately. No not one month ago, but today. Somehow, I'm not sure he understands "immediately".

Turns out he stopped taking one of the medications anyway. Turns out that that was a bad idea. Turns out he should have asked me or the specialist to whom I had sent him. Turns out that you need to be on all four medications when you have tuberculosis and not just decide willy nilly which medicine to stop. Oh also not a good idea to decide you don't need to see the Infectious Disease specialist either.

With the phone call to the I.D. doctor and the counselling about sticking to his regimen and explaining the importance of doing so, this took about thirty minutes.

8:45 - Thankfully they scheduled this patient for a thirty minute appointment. He was older. They figured he'd need more time. They figured right. He didn't take too well to being told that he was now a diabetic. After explaining the need for lifestyle changes, drawing the appropriate blood tests, getting him caught up on all recommended vaccinations, setting him up for an ophthalmologic evaluation and instructing him on the use of a home blood sugar monitor, it was forty five minutes that I'd spent with him, now putting me thirty minutes behind schedule.

8:45 - Turns out I had two of these as well. A patient walked in with a cough. And no, our policy is that we don't take walk in patients. So now forty minutes behind schedule.

9:15 (although now 9:40) This was fortunately simple. A man I hadn't seen since July 2007 even though I had told him to see me in August. You see, at our last visit his blood pressure was high. And since I hadn't seen him in so long with that high last final reading, I denied additional refills of his anti-hypertensives until he actually came in to see me. That's how we get people back in...no refills of meds. But this was simple. His blood pressure was now well controlled, and as I was about to leave he had an "oh by the way."

"Oh by the way, what does it mean when I wake up 5-6 times a night?"

He was also always thirsty. I had the girls check his blood sugar and bam, second newly diagnosed diabetic of the day--explain the need for lifestyle changes, draw the appropriate blood tests, get him caught up on all recommended vaccinations, set him up for an ophthalmologic evaluation and instruct him on the use of a home blood sugar monitor. Yup, another 45 minutes.

9:30 - Frozen shoulder syndrome & patellofemoral syndrome. Actually she was truly simple, so now it was 10:40.

9:45 - They always come in threes. Yup, a routine physical which I told him I'd be unable to do because of the time necessary to go over everything for yet another newly diagnosed diabetic.

10:15 - Headaches. When I finally determined that this headache case was truly a workman's comp case, it was already too late to make up some time. It took me fifteen minutes to establish that her headache and neck pain had to do with the fact that he is an assembly worker.

10:30 - Looking at the schedule, I was relieved. She was only 33, and she was here for a routine physical. Easy.

Not so much. This woman had way too many issues that need to be addressed. Besides the complete physical including pap smear, she had different pains everywhere, carpat tunnel syndrome, hypertension, depression. It was another 45 minute patient.

11:00 - Follow up on a skin abscess that I'd seen last week. It was healing well, and that only took 5 minutes. Woo hoo.

11:15 - He hadn't taken his meds in three months. Apparently he'd spent all of him money chasing his daughter around Mexico and Central America where her captors had taken her. So clearly he couldn't take his meds there, and he couldn't afforf them on his return, and he couldn't stop drinking 8-9 beers daily which in so doing may have brought his pressure down. He also couldn't stop smoking, nor could he stop eating salt: "I like salt; I'm going to keep using salt."

I talked to him till I was blue in the face, and he didn't budge. He just wanted his meds and continue doing what he was doing. No lifestyle change, no nothing.

11:45 - This guy was 95, and it didn't matter how late you were running, he was not leaving unless he felt he'd been able to socialize with me, have idle chatter, joke back and forth. I was so not in the mood. Several minutes and several referrals later. It was now past lunch, past 1:00. I was pissed.

12:15 - I did once again get a break. The 12:15 was just a bum knee and shoulder. Anti-inflammatories and heat was all she needed.

So, well into my lunch break, I finally got to go and get a quick bite before my afternoon session started up. It was much the same actually...a couple of diabetics, a handful of hypochondriacs, and one for arm pain to whom I had to say, "the next time you have this, don't come to me. Go to they emergency room. That's what we call a stroke."

Makes me wish that the next 17 years just flies by. That way I'd be able to retire.

Week In Review '08.03

1/12 - So the week didn't start off so great. I went to work. On a Saturday! And it was busy as hell. One client after the next and despite scheduling things so I could get done by 4:00, I didn't leave until 5:00. A half hour late to meet up with my family. We were getting together because my dad was a little bummed. His best friend was just diagnosed with lung cancer which had metastasized to his brain.

I felt a little guilty because my sisters and I had already made evening plans. Not sure what they had to do, but I was meeting up with Guido and Razor Burn. Had a couple of drinks at Guido's while finalizing details for our trip in March. Then we went to a bar in the valley called La Loggia for the birthday of Razor Burn's high school friend. Oh my God it was so straight. But like totally fugly straight. Like midwest/square state/red state straight. Like I'd get my ass kicked if they knew I was gay straight. We ended with a late night carb fest at Mexicali.

1/13 - If you ever are in the area and need a place to go for Sunday brunch, Toast is the place to go. The food is awesome and the eye candy even more awesomer. Holy shit the wait staff is hot. And I got to go with Sunshine's wife who is so much fun to gawk at guys with. Oh Sunshine was there too.

After brunch, I met with Dutch. We went to the Arclight in Hollywood. The great thing about this place is that they actually have a restaurant with a full bar. We got there early, enjoyed a couple of drinks and great conversation before heading in to see Sweeney Todd.

Now I love Sweeney Todd. I love Sweeney Todd. And despite the accurate portrayal of the psychopathic, misanthropic, and literally cannibalistic Todd and Lovett, the humor of it all was noticeably absent in the silver screen adaptation. Personally I like my misanthropic, canniballistic psychopaths just a bit more light-hearted. Just personal preference I guess.

Afterwards, we had a couple of glasses of wine and a chicken skewer at Chan Darae, finishing off with one last drink at Citizen Smith.

1/14 - After work, I went to see my trainer. Then I was supposed to meet up with Cuddle Buddy. Yeah Cuddle Buddy. He was out of the country for a few months and now back. Sadly, neither of us could muster up the energy to go to the other's home. It was a good thing I guess.

1/15 - Hadn't seen Tiger or G Squared for a while. We caught up at Marix that night. I really like those guys. Sweethearts.

I was going to go to sleep early. After all dinner finished at about 8 or so. But then I realized the MacWorld key note address was online. Hours and an impulse buy later (1:00 a.m.) I finally fell asleep.

1/16 - So little sleep, full day at work, then staff meeting at job #2 that went on till 9:00. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to do anything else, so I just crashed.

1/17 - I finally got a true half day. I didn't have to go in to job #2. My two clients had bailed. So I went home. I was so tired, and my training session didn't start until 6:00. I had time for a disco nap, so I went to sleep at 3:00...and woke up at 4:30. I sat bolt upright staring at the digital clock. 4:30, how the hell could it be 4:30. How could I have just slept through the entire night? But why was it so bright? Like afternoon light? Oh. Yeah. It was the afternoon. That's how trashed I was, how disoriented I was, not realizing that it was the afternoon rather than in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I got up and got dressed, getting to my trainer's on time. He once again seriously kicked my mother fuckin' ass. It was great.

Once again I met up with Dutch. This time at O Bar. And once again, we had a nice conversation.

1/18 - Work sucked. Don't want to really get into it, but it sucked. I left at 7:00 with barely enough time to gas up, buy flowers and a bottle of wine, change, and get to a dinner party by 8:00. It was lovely. Dinner was great. Conversation flowed. And there was one other gay boy there at that dinner of five. Now I don't know whether my friend and her boyfriend were trying to do this as a set up, but I am so in lust, unfortunately still have no idea if there was any interest on his part. Oh well.

M4?

I quickly scanned the chart before entering. I always scan the chart. Just to see what is in store for me. This had all the promise of a jackpot. 27 years old. 5'9". 165 pounds.

And as I crossed into the room, it turned out my initial assessment was pretty spot on. He sat on the table, somewhat slumped, his shoulders hunched forward. Possibly shy. Or unsure. Funny from an attractive man virtually bursting out of the violet wifebeater and black Calvin boxer briefs that struggled to contain all the gym trained muscle.

Hi, I'm Dr. V. What am I seeing you for today?

Nice to meet you. I'm here, um, for a physical...

His voice. It was soft, gentle. Surprisingly so. And there was a familiarity to his cadence. And it made me feel much more comfortable.

Actually, I'm also here cause at Kaiser, they just wanted to give me medicine, and I just don't think I want to take medicine all the time.

What are you taking medicine for?

And then he said it: I have a problem with erections.

Oh, wow. Young. Attractive. And erectile dysfunction? Surprise number one.

Can you have erections?

Yeah.

Can you reach orgasm?

Yeah. But whenever I have sex...I dunno...it just doesn't stay hard. They gave me Levitra. Didn't do anything.

Did they check your testosterone levels?

Yeah. They said it was normal. It's just...well, it's just frustrating. Y'know. I'm young. It shouldn't be happening, you know.

Hmm. How many sexual partners have you had over the last year?

Just one.

Hmm. Oh and just for completeness, is your sexual preference for men, women or both?

It's always a somewhat uncomfortable question to ask, even if you know what the answer is going to be.

Oh. No. Heterosexual...yeah, completely heterosexual.

And there was not only the answer, but the second surprise of the day. Cause seriously, she was trying to have sex with girls? Makes me wish that I could write a prescription for a little M4M massage with a happy ending.