Crazy

I am certifiable. I've decided. Just plain batshit crazy.

I mean all day I was thankful that patients kept coming in. I needed to be busy, the busier the better. Cause when I had even a second to sit down at my desk, I'd check my email. Refresh. Refresh. Nothing.

Or I'd check my phone. Maybe I didn't feel it vibrate or something, but no. Nothing. But when I did feel it go off, in my head an instinctive little prayer went out to wherever prayers go. Please let it be him. Please let it be him. Please let it be him. Not him.

The sad thing is that if it wasn't him, it was Razor Burn or Sunshine asking for an update or offering advice. Yes, I'd pulled them into my whole Van brand of crazy.

But so far, nothing. Not from him anyway. Not after the text. I texted him the day after our date. "I had a great time. Let me know when you have some free time to hang out again. Have a good day!" It screamed I was interested. It announced that I wanted to spend more time and I wanted to make plans. And I wished him a good day.

Maybe it was too much. I mean I e-mailed him and made the first move. I took him out to dinner. And I texted him first. Maybe it was too much.

And his response: "Sounds good. Talk to u soon. Smooth" It didn't scream he was interested. It didn't announce that he wanted to spend more time and wanted to make plans. And he didn't wish me a good day.

So yeah, there it is. My personal brand of crazy.

But I kind of thought he was into it when we made out in a storage closet at the gym on our first date. I thought that meant that he liked me. Maybe I am just crazy.

How much am I hating myself right now for being such a douchebag? Kind of a lot. Yeah, fucking totally crazy.

(written two days after the date...did I mention crazy?)

Comments

[Dutchimport]

Come on, you have all the right to feel the way you do! He's the douchebag (funny word if you think about it btw).

[BustersDad]

Maybe not a douchebag. . . maybe shy, intimidated, cautious, or just plain busy . . . Glad to hear that the first date was exciting -- enjoy that! Try not to over interpret how he does or does not respond there are a lot of variables over which you have no control.

Another approach would be to remember how, by making the first move, you met someone interesting and possibly interested in you. Sounds like that was a big positive step for you. If this one doesn't work out maybe you should try this approach more often. Love can be like a raffle--the more tickets you buy the better your chance to win! Of course, you will probably lose a few along the way. . . keep your eye on the prize!