Vanguard: A Miscellany

Blanket Statement

Everyone warned me. Everyone. Friends, family, everyone. But I didn't listen.

"Don't do it," they said. And I understood the risks, I did. Although I wasn't asked for a financial investment, the proposition was risky. Friendships have been destroyed by lesser reasons, and these two were, at the time, among those I considered my closest. But I agreed.

I committed to a day and a half a week, lending what expertise I could. "It'll be fun," they said. "With the three of us, it'll be unstoppable," they said. And it was fun, at first. It was exciting. It was a change. And we were giddy with the idea that we'd be working with people we loved and turning a profit at the same time. Well, they'd turn a profit, anyway. Technically, I was a subcontractor, an independent company that they paid a fixed salary regardless of the primary company's profits or losses.

And it did well. So much so that it became easier. They no longer had to be present seven days a week. They took turns to ensure the other got at least two days a week off. And I was happy for them. And I was happier when the profit margin was larger and their take homes were larger.

I even decided to start accepting payment for my work which I didn't necessarily do during the first few months. I just held on to the checks. Even as my work load increased, as my role became more expansive, performing in ways that hadn't been initially included in my job description. In fact, early on we had discussed that my role would not include just those things that my role has grown into. It's not that I was complaining. I honestly didn't mind at all.

Besides, everyone had warned me.

Still, I got the call last Thursday: "Hey Vanny (yeah, they actually call me that), it's me. Hope you're well, bro. Um, been talking to Sunshine like non-stop aaaand we've been talking and I just feel really bad, dude. I feel like we've unintentionally, you know, been kinda taking advantage of you, bro. And I really feel bad about that because I haven't even fucking thought about it. Um, but you're going way above and beyond and have been, and I've had my head up my ass dude. And I feel really bad about that, so um gimme a call when you get a chance. I just wanna talk, um, just briefly dude. It's just I feel really bad right now. Whenever you get a chance....Alright, buddy. Thanks. Bye."

Everyone had warned me. "Don't go into business with friends," they said. In this case, I went with my gut. I trusted them completely to treat me as I would them. And in this case, I was right because not only did I get an apology that I didn't even feel was needed or owed, but on the following night, on our guys' night out, they unveiled what they had, the night before, met to talk about.

They decided that since they worked five day weeks, it was unfair for me to always work six day weeks even though four and a half of those were spent at Job #1. They wanted to make this venture fun for me. They didn't want me to burn out. And they told me I would only be scheduled for two Saturdays a month and two half day Thursdays a month. They also told me my role would go back to what was originally intended. And finally, because they felt I had built the company up as much as anyone else, they offered me part ownership of the company. Actually they gave me part ownership of the company.

So blanket statements are never 100% correct. In this case, I knew I was undertaking a project with people whom I could trust implicitly and vice versa. I also knew that these two were more than capable of functioning in the capacity required, as they did me. So, as it typical, I made my decision based on gut instinct and despite the protestations of everyone else, and it served me well.

Now I just need to learn that this never works for me when it comes to my dating life.

Charitable

I typically write about events after the fact. Protects what little is left of my anonymity, but this Wednesday is just too delish to keep to myself. Let's see Patrick Dempsey? Yes. Bette Midler? Check. Kathy Griffin? Hells to the yes. Jon Lovitz? Him too. Tori Spelling, Margaret Cho, Marcellas Reynolds, JP Calderon, Reichen Lehmkuhl? All of them.

Here's the deal, West Hollywood foo foo gym Easton Gym is doing a fundraiser for AIDS/Lifecycle. I'm going, and I'm bringing some friends (including some of my straights). Here's how.

Week In Review '08.17

4/19 - Marina del Rey. It was a lecture at the Ritz Carlton, presented by one of the leaders in the field who gained notoriety from appearances on Oprah. It was actually pretty good, techniques and suggestions that will most definitely help for Job #2.

The pisser was the call during the lunch break. It was Scruff. I'd called for confirmation on the plans we'd made for him to accompany me to Razor Burn's birthday party. After talking about it Thursday and Friday, it turned out he wouldn't be able to make it after all. Figures. I get bailed on by two different guys for the same date.

Whatever. The family (that's what Sunshine's wife calls us) met up for dinner at Tantra. Very yummy Indian food. Everyone else met a bit later for drinks at Tantra's lounge.

4/20 - Tried to go to the gym. Nope. Tried to go play volleyball. Nope. Tried to run. Nope. I was a lazy piece of shit. Up until about 5 pm, then got all OCD and did four loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen (including scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush and cleaning the fridge--seriously OCD)

4/21 - My trainer bailed on me. Fucking White Party--first Smooth then trainer. So I just met up with the straights for dinner at Lala's (then went home to again get my OCD on).

4/22 - After a record setting day with four patient breakdowns (is everyone depressed these days?), I just went home and curled up in front of the TV.

4/23 - It was Razor Burn's actual birthday, so Unicorn, R.B.'s roommate and I took him out for dinner at Sol y Luna.

4/24 - Worked both jobs again. Both were brutal this Thursday. I couldn't get out soon enough and head down to O-Bar to meet up with Dutch, Fishering, M@, Getty and Fanboy. Alcohol has never tasted so good.

4/25 - I finally got to work out with the trainer again. Much needed. Immediately left for guys' night out, tonight they decided to officially dub it guy's night out since Sunshine's wife was out of town and Razor Burn made a point of today leaving Unicorn to do her own thing. So we, along with Guido and Guy on Bull, met up at Ketchup. As far as this trend of restaurants offering comfort food with a kick, this place rocks. I don't eat red meat, but couldn't pass up the meatloaf. The Shake n Bake and Tuna Tartar was sooooo good too. Nana's apple pie was only ok, though. But besides the food, the eye candy in that place was spectacular! Something for the straights and the gay alike.

What was awesome about that night, however was that Sunshine and Razor Burn have once again proven themselves to be two of the most amazing people ever...more on that on a separate post.

After dinner, we met up with some stripper friends at Green Door. Yup turns out we now have stripper friends. Unfortunately for me, they're chicks. Oh well. But I really liked this club. Unlike the other clubs in Hollywood, it wasn't overly packed; I'm not sure if it was intentional or if the cover made it prohibitive in comparison to Club Ivar just up the street, but it was nice to be able to chat with people without having to scream at the top of your lungs.

I called it a night at midnight while everyone else went to Goa. Yes, Dutch and M@, I am almost 40. But work was only a few hours away.

But looking back on my week, I'm pretty sure I know why I don't yet have a house. Holy shit I fucking eat out a lot! Mental note: use my fucking kitchen once in a while.

Drama Queen

I've always tried to live my life drama free. Keep things simple. Try to be good to people. Don't stress over insignificant things. Don't try to date more than one person at a time. Simple.

Yesterday Smooth called. After not having been in contact for six days, after sort of bailing on something important to me in order to go to something not important to him, he called. "When'll you be up here again?" He had to ask because in the two months I've known him there have been exactly zero weeks that the days I've been up in his neck of the woods haven't been Thursday afternoon and Saturday. And it appears he only has time to hang out when it is geographically convenient for him.

Also, yesterday Scruff didn't call. After bailing on hanging out Friday because he was tired from driving back from Palm Springs, after also bailing on the same Saturday event that Smooth bailed on because of something unexpected, he didn't call. True, he sent me a text on Monday about maybe getting together "maybe sometime this week or next weeked". Still, he didn't call.

So on the drive home, I was kind of pissed that the first called and the second didn't when my phone rang. "Do you want to not have dinner?" It was Grey Shorts.

And as I hung up the phone, I realized that as I near my fortieth year (OK so it's over a year and a half away, but whatever), all of a sudden I've regressed and become a fucking drama queen.

Week In Review '08.16

4/12 - Last weekend was a hot one...perfect for a day at the beach, unfortunately some unfortunate bitches had to work. I was pretty tired by the end of the day, but I'd promised Guido I'd hang out with him. We haven't hung out in a while, and when we do, it's places like Vanguard or the Avalon or some other over the top, not at all mellow kind of venue. So I was surprised when he suggested dinner and renting a movie because he was tired too.

So along with his sort of girlfriend The Spaniard we went to The Penthouse for dinner which is stunningly beautiful, but with really shitty acoustics. They were both tried to get me to talk to this amazingly good looking guy with a buzz cut and the only one wearing a t-shirt. It was black. And it was a size too small. "He's definitely gay!" they said. Nope, just Russian we later found out.

Back to my place to watch Rob Zombie's Halloween. Sucked.

4/13 - Fishering and I have not hung out, just the two of us, since, well since never I think. We sought to remedy that with brunch at the Boulevard Lounge. We still have yet to hang out just the two of us since we ran into and ended up sharing a table with TLC and M@.

I was supposed to go to the beach, get some sun, play some volleyball. But as I got there, I realized there was nowhere to park. Everyone was at the beach. Fortunately I got an invite to hang out at Whore Bitch's pool, so I turned right back around and hung out there.

Sounds like a pretty full day, right? Not so much. I had to truck my ass all the way up to Job #2 to work on a special client. In the process, he (Scruff) and I talk, find out we have mutual friends, he asks me out to dinner, then we end up at his place.

The sweetest thing was the text I received when I got home thanking me for a really nice evening and wishes for peaceful dreams.

4/14 - Worked out with my trainer.

4/15 - Got fucked over at work, then had dinner and happy hour with Dr. Faux at the Cheesecake Factory so we could commiserate. I've been eating like shit!

4/16 - Worked out with the trainer again, then was on call.

4/17 - I broke down and called Smooth even though I told myself not to. No he couldn't do lunch, and no, it turned out that he was going to White Party, so he couldn't make it to Razor Burn's birthday party as my date on Saturday. He'd forgotten to tell me.

So I deleted all of his contact information. Ahhh so cathartic. Oh and then I invited Scruff to be my date.

As I arrived to Job #2, it turns out that I am now completely out without having really outed myself. Sort of. I told two girls several weeks ago, and it's finally made it's way around. How do I know? When I walked in, the receptionist came up to me excitedly, "Oh my God. I saw the new rep today. We all think he's cute and we all immediately thought "He's perfect for Van!'" As it also turns out, everyone took part in arranging for him to meet me for business purposes next Thursday. As the saying goes, when God closes one door, somewhere he opens a window to a bathhouse.

Ended the night with the O-Bar crew at, well, O-Bar of course.

4/18 - I paid off the last of my credit cards. After having had credit card debt as far back as undergrad, I am finally free. So I celebrated by upgrading my camera (and still with no credit card debt) and a nice little dinner and drinks at Whisper Lounge with Mercury.

Brand New Day

Remember those C & R Clothing commercials? At least I think it was C & R. Anyway, the commercial had these rough and rugged men doing whatever it is that rough and rugged men do--toiling away at blue collar jobs, unshaven and sweaty or what have you. In the background, the classic, sultry, sexy Dinah Washington version of What a Difference a Day Makes plays. And midway through the commercial the same rough and rugged men have transformed into runway model looking men, clean shaven and now sporting beautiful and impeccably tailored (really? from C & R?) suits. Loved the commercials.

In any case, that's the way I feel right now. What a difference a day makes!

I called Smooth as I left Job #1, sorry I know I'm running late. My last two patients showed up late, so I guess we can't do lunch. I guess I expected him to say it was no big deal. I was only thirty minutes late. I had seen him at work, and he seems to do a lot of walking around. I figured he could walk around later, right? Or maybe he would suggest that we grab dinner instead after we both finished. But no. He just said, "OK, we'll talk soon."

"By the way, did you find out if you were going to White Party?" I asked because I'd asked him to basically be my date for Razor Burn's birthday party on Saturday. When I asked him to go a week before, he said he wanted to go. "I'm sorta committed to go to this thing that some friends invited me to, but it turned out to be something else entirely, and I kind of don't really want to go." He had apparently been invited to a weekend in Palm Springs with some friends and only after the fact did he realize that they were all going for White Party.

Turns out, he's going to White Party. Turns out that he'd rather go to an event that he said he wasn't all that interested in going to rather than go to something that really is important to me. Yeah, I guess I'm being a bit of a drama queen, but I was rather nice about it. "No worries," I said. "Have fun out there this weekend, and I guess I'll talk to you soon."

He bid me a cheerful "OK, bye Van" and I deleted all his contact info and pictures from my phone before calling Scruff to invite him for Saturday. Yeah I have a new guy lined up cause I'm that kind of whore.

So that was brand new day event number one.

Even more significant however is...drumroll please...I have finally paid off the last of my credit cards today. For the first time since college, I am now free of all consumer debt, and now I can start saving for a house. Hallelujah!

Vacation '08, Pt. 3

Fantasy Island, Pt. 2

It was depressing, to be perfectly frank, true part of it had to do with the condition in which this previous jewel of the Caribbean had been left. But far more depressing was the condition in which the country's citizens had been left.

From the very beginning, it was obvious. On the very first night, one of the bellhops asked, "Te gusta chicas esta noche?" I politely brushed him off, saying that I was just waiting for my friend to come downstairs as I walked to the lobby bar. I apparently wasn't too clear. No sooner had I taken a seat than a twenty something woman greeted me with a sultry "Hola, me llamo Julia." She refused my handshake and leaned in for a kiss on both cheeks before asking if she could share the table with me. She knew her craft well, with flirtatious tossing of her long, black hair and frequent criss crossing of mini-skirted legs. She tittered when I told her I was waiting for my friend. Actually she laughed at just about everything I said.

She just wasn't my type--a bit thick in the thigh, a little too prostitutey, and a little too not-anything-close-to-being-a-man. And when I declined her offer to join me in my room or to have her give me a massage, she turned to flat out begging. It was late, and she just needed to go home. She just wanted cab money now. Only ten pesos.

It was like that every night, a five day game of ditch the hooker.

We learned more about the country from a cabbie we befriended. Turns out in this country his was a very desirable job; he'd had to pull strings, making use of family ties, family that had served as Muban ambassadors to various countries, to obtain the job. Turns out with his job he was in the top 1-2% of the country's wage earners.

He was a great resource, telling us of how post-Revolution cars were not to be bought or sold, they were appointed by the government. Hence, all the old cars. He told us of the government's dictating who was to work in what job. He told us of the most beautiful beach in the country and how the government wanted to keep it pristine for tourists and how they banned its citizens from the beach to ensure this. He told us that in order to move from the country to the city, citizens must be able to find someone with whom to perform the exchange, and the homes exchanged had to be equal in size.

The poverty was everywhere, and it was depressing. I honestly was quite depressed for a good part of the trip.

Until the third day, when it finally dawned on me that everywhere we went, no matter what corner we turned, irrespective of time of day, there was always music, often live, just blaring out windows of dilapidated buildings or emanating from the center of the church square. And there were always people, locals, there to enjoy it and talk and laugh. And it was a true testament of the ability of people to find happiness in dire circumstances.

And it wasn't so depressing after that.

Week In Review '08.15

4/5 - Extra bonus about having an extra special friendship...hmmm maybe it's not so much a bonus of that friendship as it is a benefit, you know, friendship's benefits, is that I get to work out at an amazing gym, and that's just what I did. Quick little five mile run next to the infamous storage closet.

Then it was Job #2 which for some reason kept going and going and going. Every time I tried to leave, some new little issue kept calling me in an additional 30 minutes to an hour. I finally left by 4:00, just a few hours late for a 2:00 friend's birthday BBQ, although without so much BBQ as much as it was alcohol.

Dutch came with, and when we ditched we ended up at O-Bar. On a Saturday? Weird.

4/6 - Barbie and Ken came over, friends of Fishering. I was helping Ken out with a sinus issue, and they brought over bagels for brunch. The remainder of the day was spent going through and photoshopping pictures from my recent vacation until that evening when I went go visit a friend I haven't seen in over a year. At that time, he had sort of been a friend with bonuses. It was just a nice little get together in his relatively new condo with travertine floors, Barcelona chairs and Noguchi table. I swear everyone else seems to be able to own a fucking place in L.A. but me.

4/7 - I'd been trying to play it cool with Smooth. Not trying to call or text or email, unless he initiated it, but this time I had to break the silence. I needed to kill some time before meeting up with Guido at Job #2 to avail him of some of the services. What better way to kill time than get in a good work out at Smooth's gym. So I texted him.

And of course I ran into him. Only this time, he was so much more animated and appeared excited to see me. He even worked out with me and Sunshine for a bit before I had to leave to meet up with Guido. "Hey," I said on my way out "if you finish within the hour, give me a call if you want to swing by Job #2." And he did, and we found out that the benefits go both ways. We found out between 9:00 and 10:30.

4/8 - Not much. Had a nice catch up dinner with one of my girlfriends. Just to be clear--girl who is a friend, like there was any doubt of anything other than that, right. Then I went home and had a pleasant, relaxing evening of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

4/9 - Worked out with my trainer. He says he sees a lot of change in me since we first started out. I think he lies. Then, sadly, it was the three hours of Idol Gives Back. Can I say I loves me some Annie Lennox? But I lusts me some boys from So You Think You Can Dance? And finally Jesse Spencer? A hot man who can wail on the violin? Can anything be hotter?

4/10 - Job #1 then Job #2 then wasting time at the Beverly Center after a quick visit to say hi to Smooth at work. Yeah, that whole no phone, text or calls thing is really working well for me. By the way, what the fuck is up with the automated voice in the garage, the one that tells you to pay for your ticket at the ticket kiosks before leaving? It's not that I have a problem with a reminder, but why does that bitch have a British accent? It's a mall in the middle of West Hollywood! Who there even has a British accent...well except for Madonna.

Then I went of course to O-Bar to meet up with the boys. It was pleasant to finally be out there after what seems like a long abscence.

4/11 - After a quick workout where I kicked my trainer's ass in sprinting, I met up with the Greek and Manfriend who I see far too rarely nowadays. We went to see some play called Farfalo. One word: "what a bunch of boring mother fucking crap". I didn't say which word. Pick one. After a night cap, it was beddy bye for little, ole Van. Well after a little Buffy, that is.

Violin Envy

Terri Hatcher, Terri Schmatcher. Who the hell is the hot guy with the violin?