Done

I think I might be done. 

For the past month or so, I've been glued to CNN, CNN.com, Slate.com, The Wall Street Journal, The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live, and website after website, hungry for anything new about the election--more specifically about the unravelling of the McCain campaign and the tug of war between the supporters and opposition to Prop 8.  I've sat down to dinner with friends and acquaintances and subjected patients to conversations about what may arguably be the most significant election day ever.

I've celebrated the gains the Obama campaign has made, but honestly revelled more in the foibles of McCain and Palin--his disingenuous "my friends" and that insincere grin, her ignorance of the Bush doctrine or of the names of magazines or newpapers from which she gets her information or of the responsibilities of the office of the Vice President or just her palin...I mean Plain...ignorance.  

I've seen a lawn sign go up for the No on 8 campaign and remain there for a few days.  I've seen a Yes on 8 sign go up subsequently on that neighbor's lawn, followed a few days later by several other neighbors putting up their own signs--for No on 8 as a sign of neighborhood opposition to bigotry.  The Yes on 8 sign never did come down, however.  

Frankly I never did see this coming.  After the past eight years and the smoldering culture war, I was in shock when the frontrunners for the Democratic presidential nominee included a black man and a woman.  I didn't believe that this country was prepared for a non-white man as strange as it may sound to the rest of the world to be Commander in Chief.  A country rife with creationists.  A country that still believed the War on Terror was indeed a war on terror.  A country that clings fervently to the illusion of a Leave It to Beaver America.  A country afraid of looking outside its borders and happy and complacent in its ignorance.

That's what the last eight years had taught me of the majority of my neighbors, the neighbors responsible for not voting for my chosen presidential candidates.

And yet here we are.  Here I am.  Holding my breath.  Hoping for change, but afraid to even acknowledge the legitimacy of the polls, unable to accept Obama's lead the way I had counted on Gore's or Kerry's.  

But the media has picked away a bit.  The numbers look good.  The opposition is imploding.  At least for the presidential campaign.  But even the Prop 8 fight has been closer than I had given it credit for.  

Then I watched one too many.  And I'm reminded that as strongly as I feel for my side of the argument, there are those who feel more strongly about the opposing side.  I can't muster the energy to hand John McCain in effigy.  Or leave a dead carcass on his doorstep.  Or shoot one of his supporters just for stealing my Obama lawn sign.  Or punch myself in the eye and scratch a dyslexic J onto my cheek.  Or raise money and hold rallies to add a constitutional amendment banning heterosexual divorce.  

Honestly watching the culture war in all its ugliness has finally taken its toll.  On November 4, I'll cast my ballot for Barack Obama and vote against Proposition 8.  I'll watch that evening as the world changes for better or worse.  But until then, I'm done.

Comments

[Roy]

Van, you have summed up my emotions about this totally! However, I live in the OC and it's HORRIBLE down here. Just horrible. I get the pleasure of working in Beverly Hills, but I live with all the conservatives where every other car has a YES ON 8 bumpersticker. It makes me sick and I think it's really taking a toll on me, physically. I want Change and I hope we get it on Nov 4th!

[Chuck]

Not as invested in the presidential race, but the fight over Proposition 8 is definitely taking a toll on me. Knowing that it's my marriage that will go into limbo if these bigots succeed, and that its the man I love that they're calling a second-class citizen day-in and day-out is draining, emotionally and physically. Won't stop fighting, but I'll be very glad when Tuesday has come and gone.

[Paul]

Hope it all goes well! The world's watching.